Updated: Oct 23, 2019
Today has not been a good day. It's okay though, we all have them. It has seen me curled up in bed, crying, trying to make sense of the world around me and the circumstances I find myself in and the lessons that I'm trying, every so trying, to learn and not have to repeat.
Reluctantly, and under very insistent guidance I reached out to my circle of wonderful women, many of whom are not local to me but we exist as a circle in an online sphere.
See, I'm the one who holds it all together. I'm the one who doesn't crack. I'm the one who holds space for others (both because I'm a facilitator but also because I'm programmed that way) so they're able to unravel. I've always held my own space or my own counsel rarely reaching out and if I do it's to a very select few and only in desperation.
Today I reached out and as stupid and fragile as it felt I asked not for healing as that wasn't what I needed but for love and kindness and the tenderness that all of that brings when we need a soft place to land. And every one of the women in my circle did, without hesitation. No judgement, no worry, no rescuing, they held my space for me to unravel. Exactly as I needed. And annoyingly the guide who told me to reach out was right - don't you hate when that happens?!
What could have resulted in a complete day of self pity and wallowing, over analysing, over thinking, and even over feeling, turned into a few hours of crying and dissolving with an impromptu card reading (both for me as the recipient and the woman doing the reading as it seemed the Universe needed a willing and capable vessel RIGHT NOW).
What does all this have to do with the quote above? Once I pulled myself together I found myself perusing Instagram and came across one of Price Ea's snippets of wisdom (if you've not seen him check him out) he references Emerson and it got me thinking that everything I am currently in, everywhere I have been over the last 6 months is not for any other reason than I am walking where there is no path. It made me realise that you can't do that without accumulating some scratches and cuts and scrapes along the way. It's inevitable to fall but the power is in how you rise. Some of those cuts are going to leave scars but again, that's okay because they're memories, and lessons, and reminders of where I've been. Today was a tough day but with the help of my circle and the misquote of a social media motivator of a essayist/philosopher from the 19th century I'm climbing out - with a few more scratches mind, and they will heal. The power in community today has been a saviour, whether that be an ever present friend in the background or the space holders of an online circle or even the influencers I choose to have in my social media feed; community is healing and I encourage you to reach out to yours.